Life’s BIG Distractions
Saturday, May 9th, 2009 | LIFE, STUDIO 566
The Geisha Girl in Training remains unfinished. The whole theoretical point of starting her was to distract me from my distraction. Illustration has a wonderful way of pulling me away from here and putting me in a zone. It not only focuses me, but it also has a wonderful quietude that allows my thoughts and feelings and process to not be my own.
I always work to music. Those familiar with me know it is usually Pink Floyd’s WISH YOU WERE HERE cd or some BEATLES pick – usually the first tho. FLOYD and most of my BEATLES picks are at the studio without me. I received a new song today. A small gift, in fact. No one goes wrong when they give me heart-felt gifts of music.
Not my usual fare of heavy crying guitars… or hypnotizing Waters. So perhaps that is what was causing my eyes to keep drifting toward the window.
I started yet another project to distract me from the distraction that was supposed to be the distraction. This one was going to be a small typography project. I even pulled elements from another piece figuring I would relax and play and have something to show for it. I should have known better.
Sometimes I think too much. I would never believe I felt too much until recently. As for processing — sometimes my mind just cannot wrap around things and I choose to coast – or “wait and see” – I am enjoying the ride. I always do. I always do.
Interestingly enough – the piece is a jazz sort of piece. It has faint hints of another thing I once held close which has since gone its way. The music is French sounding. Which, I must interject the SAD CLOWN OF LIFE as I do when discussing anything French. Of course it could be Italian – but I know of no SAD ITALIAN CLOWNS OF LIFE… except maybe Fredrico Fellini. I do not travel much, it could be French Canadian for all I know. There are a lot of sad clowns in Canada (mostly at the casinos).
I am sure most people would imagine coffee houses – art – loves both coming and going or unattainable or unavailable – and a cycle of life continuing on regardless of our opinion of it. An art house film noir movie. With subtitles. And a personification of death. You get the picture.
I love violas and lower strings. I love low instruments to begin with – but I love those strings because they have the sound of human voices. THAT makes me feel inside. I guess I don’t *see* so much with music. I tend to feel music. Since I am usually either concetrating on things, images are sort of floating by deciding to stay for later or depart.
I have never thought of what I “see” — the only song that ever held me like that was AMAZING JOURNEY with the London Symphony. Today, I consciously had to force myself to be still. How restless. I can easily “see” people “seeing” a coffee shop here – but I feel a person who is just a person. On their ordinary journey – going where life is taking them. God are ordinary people complicated and yet simple. Complicated and simple at the same time. How terribly dichotomous we all are. But then there is an odd glitch in the continuum.
I’m not sure what the glitch would be. God knows there is enough of them in a single lifetime. I am hoping the glitch is something causing a person distraction. I shouldn’t be the only soul unable to sit still. It feels like a gaslight reality. Reality is always there for the taking… until we take our last breath. The trick is – getting to the last breath without a single regret. Is that possible?
Oh my god – I’m on an Ayn Rand everyman tangent.
So I see myself … actually… I started to see myself in something quaint – it feels quaint. But you know what I see? My life sort of unrolling slowly before me.
It is interesting that we are all on our own paths at our own pace. But regardless of our thoughts, beliefs, our yearnings and seekings, our loved ones pass on, and we do too. Maybe that’s the underscore of melencholy I am carrying through this music… that knowledge that we are all going to take our last breath eventually but we try so hard to not think about it, fight it or build a faith so strong that we try to convince ourselves that we have no fear…
Anyway – the song brings my life to some point, with some *thing* or some *one* standing in front of me… and the page turns. I’m not sure this song is necessarily the end of the story. Why yes, I *am* projecting – why do you ask?
Helplessly hoping her harliquin hovers near by – awaiting a word.
This stream of consciousness was brought to you by the LETTER O and the number 2
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